There has been a grave unjustice done to this nation, and I am afraid that I am the person most responsible for it.
I neglected to register to run for president of the United States this election, and you, the people, will be deprived the opportunity to vote for me and my esteemed running mate, former Point reporter Sam Harvey.
I know, I know. The people of this proud nation will not have the chance to cast their ballots for the team that promises a government unencumbered by political party affiliation or special interest groups. You will miss the chance to see me most likely drop an “F-bomb” or 14 during a televised debate, or to witness Sam’s baby face go door-to-door across these fruited plains with his “aw-shucks” persona and razor wit.
See, we do believe in helping those who need help, but believe it’s up to the citizens to decide where and how much of their money goes to them. If we are going to have lotteries in this country, why not give people an opportunity to purchase lottery tickets that specifically aim the money to the Department of Defense, health care or education? Make your pick at the counter, based on what you personally believe. Heck, let people pick a lottery for PBS, if that’s what they feel passionately about. We take too many choices away from “we the people” these days.
We also believe in drug-testing and strict time limits for welfare recipients, and feel that food and grocery allowances should go first to people who work full time, but just can’t make that paycheck go far enough to adequately provide for their families. Unemployment benefits are something that people pay into when they are fortunate enough to have work, and that should not be touched.
It’s our belief that there is good and bad in the platforms of both political parties, but it’s absolutely ludicrous to limit ourselves to one way of thinking. Cut spending? You bet. But let’s start at home with the pensions in the White House, Congress and Senate — and we should also take a long look at some of the deals we have gotten ourselves into with private contractors.
Do you want to know another obvious cut that just doesn’t get enough focus? In 2010, figures estimate that the IRS had approximately 106,000 employees. Couldn’t we get a really good version of Turbo Tax, send people monthly statements and bills and cut that figure significantly? I’m not trying to take away people’s jobs, especially during a sluggish economy, but don’t we keep hearing that a vibrant private sector would find those people work quickly?
I’m a veteran and believe very strongly in the theory of “peace through superior firepower.” A strong military force can often make people think twice about crossing us. In that vein, let’s also give our intelligence community what they need to succeed in order to keep us safe. Wiser spending can cut the price tag more than cutting the people that let us sleep safely at night.
Sam and I believe that the government has three basic functions: write laws, enforce said laws and protect our borders. That gets the bulk of our attention, followed by creating equal opportunities for every one of our citizens.
Health care is important to us. We feel that, as a nation, we are only as strong as our weakest link, and families not being able to get care for their children weakens us all. How we properly get there is open for discussion, but we will meet with leaders of all sides, lock them in a room with pitchers of water and no restroom and not let them out until they reach a reasonable and fair conclusion. That’s for smarter people than us to figure out, and their stressed bladders will get us where we ultimately need to go.
Disclaimer: I have not actually gone over our beliefs with Sam in quite some time. The last time we spoke was at his wedding a few weeks ago, and he was admittedly a bit pre-occupied. There is a good chance he has changed some of his beliefs, and now feels that a government-sponsored channel only showing Bugs Bunny reruns and pan flute concerts is his top priority. He’s Sam, after all, and I’m open to all his ideas.
Yes, we were late tossing our hats into the 2012 election, and we apologize that you will not have the opportunity to vote for the team that believes in a smaller government that listens to its citizens, not parties. But we are already gearing up for 2016 and are open to any and all suggestions for how to best serve the people. Think McCann-Harvey. Think logic.