That bucket list might have to be accelerated

I was going back through my New Year’s resolutions this past weekend, as well as formulating a plan on how I would explain to people how all of them are now officially dead, when a jolt of reality shot through my body.

Who needs long-term resolutions, anyway?

According to the Mayans, the end of days are coming for all of us in December of this year. Of course, we do not want to confuse the predictions of the Mayans with that lunatic who predicted the same catastrophic fate for mankind in 2011.

For one thing, well, that guy was nuts. Actually, that’s the only piece of information we really need to use when comparing the two doomsdaysayers. He’s crazy. The Mayans are mysterious — and cool. Don’t forget cool.

So, with thought firmly in mind that the end of the world will be knocking on the door in December, I decided it would be appropriate to just toss away those pesky resolutions (and the accompanying diet that was to go with them) and focus instead on my bucket list — those things I’d really like to do before I die, or the world comes to a screeching halt.

Whichever comes first.

• For instance, I’ve wanted to learn how to play the piano for as long as I can remember. I’ve always considered that an instrument that could provide nearly-immediate relief from the stresses of the world, and a way to kind of disappear into nothingness as I could sit in front of it by myself and play whatever kind of music fit my current mood. This seems somewhat achievable to me, as I could potentially pick up enough by December to actually enjoy doing it.

I would, of course, need a piano, as well as somebody to teach me how to play it. Then I’d need to find the time and commitment to force myself to studiously ...

Maybe I’ll just pick up a CD of somebody playing the piano. That would be soothing, right?

• Next on my list would be to personally be in the stadium to see my beloved Baltimore Ravens knock the Pittsburgh Steelers out of the playoffs. A regular season victory just wouldn’t cut the mustard, as I have felt a burning pain in my heart on several occasions as the Steelers have ended the Ravens’ season at least three times in the playoffs that I can think of off the top of my head.

This would seem like the year. If Baltimore can beat Houston on Sunday afternoon, and the Steelers can knock out the Patriots, then the Steelers would have to come to Baltimore for ...

Wait. What?

The Steelers lost to Denver last weekend? Do you mean to tell me that Tim Tebow and company took down the mighty Steelers in a playoff game? I really had no idea. I mean, come on. The mighty Steelers lost to an 8-8 team with a quarterback who couldn’t hit water if he fell out of a boat?


• I’ve always wanted to ride in a hot air balloon. There, I said it.

• There is certainly another trip to Ireland on my list, and it would no doubt include a trip to Killarney, possibly my favorite city in the world. You know, the more I think about it, the more I want to schedule this trip for early December. Might as well go down in a place I love, with a tall Guinness in hand.

• I’ve always wanted to be editor of a weekly newspaper at the beach. You know, still get to work on stories and see young reporters learn their trade, but be able to enjoy my surroundings as much as possible. There would still be the rush of chasing news, with the satisfaction of possibly being able to make a very real impact in a small town.

I guess life does work out, after all. Bring it on, Mayans. It looks like the Steelers won’t be a fight.