Point of No Return – My record is certainly spotty on telling the future

Date Published: 
September 9, 2016

There comes a time when we must all stand up and take accountability for our actions or words. I find myself in this position quite a bit, actually.


Sure, this column can get people fired up at me from time to time. When you take a public opinion, well, some people agree with me, and some people are wrong . That’s part of the territory, and I decided a long time ago to wear my big-boy pants and move forward with life.

But my mouth also can get me painted into corners in the world outside of my job. You see, I tend to run my pie hole in nearly every competitive endeavor in which I partake — be it playing cards, throwing cornhole bags, fantasy football, seeing how many Twinkies one can hold in one’s mouth while humming “I’m Too Sexy for My Hair,” balancing sunflower seeds on my nose and...

But I digress.

My point was that I tend to get a bit mouthy from time to time, and people truly enjoy watching that blow up in my remarkably-handsome face. I have lost bets that have required me to shave my head (yes, that was a very long time ago, indeed), jump into the Schuylkill River when I lived in Philadelphia, bow down on my knees to my victors in a crowded forum and make a video of myself singing the Philadelphia Eagles fight song after that team defeated my Ravens a few years ago.

Humility and I have developed a pretty close relationship over the years.

That’s why I don’t have any issues making predictions or spouting out my resolutions in this space every year. If they work out, great. If not, well, let the arrows fly. I’ve been embarrassed before, and I’m sure I will be again. I’m a fan of the Washington Capitals. Enough said.

So, with Labor Day now in our rearview, and the season of fall festivals and events fully upon us, let’s take a second and look back at a column I wrote Memorial Day weekend when I shared my resolutions for the summer 2016 season.

• “I resolve to enjoy Memorial Day weekend for what it means as a landmark in our local calendar — the weekend our busy summer season kicks off, and the start of summer fun.”

Pretty accurate. I did share some memories with some friends over people we have lost, and those losses stuck with me all weekend. But I did manage to get out and cook a lot of meat over fire, spend some time with the family and have a genuinely good time.

• “I resolve to spend as much time in the pool with my daughter this year that I can.”

Not so good. I think I got into the pool twice this summer with her, and the second one wasn’t until about two weeks ago. On the other hand, she did begin taking swim lessons with the fabulous and talented Dana Schaeffer, so at least I didn’t completely drag her into my world of failed expectations.

• “I resolve to team up with Shaun Lambert and beat the stuffing out of Emily Harne and Sarah Hoban in cornhole this summer.”

This was a failure, but simply because those two women have been ducking us all summer. OK, that’s not entirely true. On second thought, that’s not even a little bit true. I had another event over the weekend when we traditionally do battle, and we just never got together to play at any other time. I do still have hope for this fall, however.

• “I resolve to find balance this summer.”

This one was pretty true. In my original piece, I wrote about how I get home exhausted after working all day, particularly in the hectic summer season, and just take root on my couch. This summer was filled with many more activities with the family, and I usually got to enjoy a little evening walk with my daughter most nights. I’m totally awesome. And maybe still trapped a little bit in the ’80s.

• “I resolve to eat a lot of grilled, smoked and steamed food this summer. The powers-that-be in Las Vegas would list this resolution as the odds-on favorite.”

There’s a reason those casinos are so big in Las Vegas. The house usually wins. I did indeed consume a lot of food this summer. These are the kinds of sacrifices I make for you, our loyal and faithful readers.

• “I resolve to spend less time staring at my cell phone this summer and more time... just not staring at my cell phone.”

Not so great. In fact, terrible. On the one hand, much of the time I spent on my cell phone this summer was taking photos and videos of my amazing and beautiful daughter, so I don’t feel like as much of a failure in that regard. On the other hand, I also spent a significant time reading emails, news feeds, Twitter, Facebook, fantasy sports, following the live reports from the World Series of Poker and trying to knock over a bunch of objects with a series of angry birds.

• “I resolve to get out on a boat with the Long family this summer. Now that they have a little more free time, let’s make this happen.”

This one has to be rated as a failure, as I have not, in fact, been on a boat with the Long family. However, we are in the process of scheduling said excursion, and I’m fairly sure it will happen in the coming weeks.

So, yeah, my resolutions didn’t all go as planned. I guess we’ll try again next summer. But I still have you covered on a stone-cold prediction: Seattle over Kansas City in the Super Bowl. This is an absolute guarantee. Just like all my resolutions and predictions in the past.