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Darin J. McCann

The epic battle continues
It’s McCann versus Technology. Round 85. Humor me, if you will, while I vent.

Last week I called my cellular phone carrier to change my phone number. This would seem a simple enough task since, well, the phone carrier handles exactly that sort of thing as their business. And, to be fair, they are probably very good at that kind of thing.

If you can ever actually get to a human voice.

My call was greeted by a friendly-enough digitized voice. The mysterious voice, which we’ll call Lucille, told me to be patient and listen to her entire message, since some of their options have changed. I half-listened while playing with some strange fungus below the nail of my left index finger, and was chagrined when Lucille reached the end of her spiel and there was no option to speak to a real person.

I entered the option to listen to the message again. Let’s re-cap.

“Push 1 if you would like to hear your balance; push 2 if you need to change your billing address; push 3 if you would like to purchase even more minutes a month; push 4 if you would like to talk to young girls interested in meeting a handsome guy just like you ...

Sorry, at that point my phone line got crossed with Sam Harvey’s current call.

Having got the phone lines corrected, I re-dialled my call, and was somewhat happy to once again hear the tinny and familiar voice of Lucille. This time, I thought, I’d outsmart her. When she asks if me to push “1” if I’m calling from a touch-tone phone, I’ll just play it real cool and pretend I’m on an old rotary. Certainly this would get me some real-life human interaction.

“Push 1 if you are calling from a touch-tone phone.”

Silence.

“Push 1 if you are calling from a touch-tone phone.”

Tee-hee.

“Thank you. Please pay attention to our whole message, as some of our options have changed ...”

What?!

How in the world did they mistake my silence for pushing ... oh, right. There aren’t many rotary cell phones, are there?

<Note: It was about this time I received a forwarded e-mail from one of our readers. The e-mail contained the subject heading “Tsunami Aid.” When I opened it up, a message from our reader said she was horrified to receive such a sham. When I clicked on the original message’s link to donate money to a tsunami relief fund, I was forwarded to a pornographic Web site. Two other readers and a friend of mine forwarded me this e-mail on Thursday and Friday of last week, so please, once again, do not click on any links you are unfamiliar with, ever. For our interested readers, however, the e-mails were subsequently forwarded to “The Spam Police.”>

Now, back to our story ...

Realizing my fake rotary phone idea was not going to work with a being as diabolical and crafty as Lucille, I switched into Plan B. When in doubt, push “O.”

“You have entered O,” Lucille said, with what appeared to be a devilish tone. “That is our option to hear our entire message in French. Bonjour ...”

Flustered, I hung up immediately.

Then my phone rang. It was Lucille. And she was still talking in French. In a cold sweat I managed to push “3,” and the French-speaking Lucille stopped immediately. What replaced her was even more startling. A human came on the phone.

“May I help you?”

“Yes, I’d like to change my phone number.”

“Certainly. All I need is ...”

Just like that. All my anguish and rage dissipated with the simple sound of a human voice on the other end of the phone. Within five minutes, all the proper steps were taken to change my number and all that remained was the obnoxious task of getting out my new number to the roughly 1,750 people in my phone book. Of course, most of those people I don’t even talk to anymore, and some of them would be grateful to not even know my new number so they couldn’t be expected to gratuitously call me from time to time and ...

But I digress.

Strike one more blow for the glories of humanity and add one more strike to the annals of having to deal with computerized help lines. Smug, I went home for the night and relaxed. Feeling happy with myself for my temporary technological victory, I cued up an old movie and settled down for a long winter’s night. All was quiet until the phone rang.

“Bonjour ...”

The people have spoken ... but, apparently, dogs are not permitted the same privilege.

Local attorney Hal Dukes, a member of the board of directors for the Safe Haven Animal Sanctuary of Sussex County, donated a 5-acre parcel of land south of Frankford for the organization to start a “no-kill” shelter for homeless pets. Residents surrounding the site, however, expressed concerns with barking dogs and the organization pulled the plug on their plans.

Well, for that specific location.

The group vows to continue its search for land, thus continuing its mission of saving animals who would most likely not be afforded such opportunities if left on their own. According to Board member Mary Miranda, between 18,000 and 22,000 animals are euthanized in shelters each year. This is by no means a condemnation on those shelters. Space is not a luxury always at their disposal, so sometimes animals that cannot find a home must be put down. That’s where the Safe Haven sanctuary comes in.

And this is where the rest of us have a chance to chip in for a worthy cause.

Though land is disappearing here more quickly than ... well, anything else imaginable, there is still some to be found. Do we want that space to go toward another development of houses or strip malls, or would we prefer open space earmarked for saving the lives of abandoned or mistreated animals? What we’re looking for is five acres, preferably not bordering on residential properties.

A donation of that magnitude is almost too much to ask, what with the soaring costs of real estate in our community as of late. However, perhaps one of our towns could tie it in to a developer’s costs for approval of a new project, or Sussex County Council could move away from making miniscule individual refund payments and instead shoot that money to a cause that benefits the community as a whole.

This could be that cause. And this would be the time to get a program like this rolling.

If you would like to become involved in the Safe Haven Animal Sanctuary of Sussex County, simply call Executive Director Marianne Fleetwood at (302) 644-3570. We’re sure she’d like to hear from you if you knew of some cheap land, as well.

County-wide voting for Sussex County Council is important
Editor:

All of Sussex County is run by the five people who sit on Sussex County Council. There is no Sussex County executive who is elected by the people.

Three council seats were just decided in 2004 and all three incumbents were re-elected for four more years. They were districts one, two and three.

Districts four and five will be decided in 2006, but only those who live in those districts are allowed to vote in those elections.

Is that right? Is that fair? Is that good government? Don’t all the council members represent the whole county? If so, then why can’t the whole county decide who will fill those seats for the next four years?

Bill and Joan Deaver
Milton