Local organizes conferences for young women

By Sam Harvey
Staff Reporter

“I recognize young females sometimes run into pitfalls in life, but some things seem to be larger than pitfalls,” she pointed out. “And we want to help them understand what to do if they’re in one.”

Hattier described a gritty list of topics for the series, starting on Nov. 27 with a discussion on abusive relationships.

She said a Delaware State Police detective, with experience in domestic violence and spousal abuse, would lead the main part of that discussion, followed by a testimonial from someone who’d lived through it herself and a teen perspective based on one young lady’s research. Hattier plans to conclude the “Love Shouldn’t Hurt” conference with a brief sermonette.

It will be the first installment in a “Mission Possible” series, and Hattier said she plans to organize similar events on topics ranging from teen pregnancy to substance abuse to eating disorders.

The series is open to teen girls at no charge — particularly for the first conference. Hattier said she was also encouraging adult women who’d been through abusive relationships to attend as well — not necessarily to speak on the topic, but to provide a show of support for the younger participants.

Hattier will be one of them. Prior to her marriage to Dr. Donald Hattier, she said she’d found it necessary to extricate herself from an abusive relationship — with the man literally threatening her life when she told him she was leaving.

“This is not hype and hysteria,” Hattier stated. “This is a real issue, and we want to be able to prevent this unfortunate thing from happening to others.”

While admitting she was by no means an expert, Hattier advised young ladies to be ever mindful of the statistical patterns. As research shows, boys who come from abusive homes are more much likely to become violent themselves, and girls who observe domestic violence between their parents are more likely to tolerate it themselves when they become adults.

When men attempted to isolate young ladies from their friends or family, that could be another early warning sign, Hattier said — in doing so, they are often trying to establish a very unhealthy dominance and control.

Hattier said low self-esteem is definitely something young ladies should watch for.

“There’s a lot of research that suggests girls believe they deserve that (abusive) behavior,” she pointed out. “We want to make sure they know what’s acceptable and what isn’t — and what could happen to them if they continue to put up with it.”

Once an emotional attachment developed, it could be much more difficult to get out of an abusive relationship, Hattier noted, especially where abuse and manipulation worsen women’s self-esteem.

Many young women fall into the mistake of thinking, “I don’t what the relationship to end, I just want the abusive behavior to end,” she said.

“That’s not realistic,” she noted.

Hattier said she expected to organize the second conference in the series, covering substance abuse, by January or February 2006.

The “Love Shouldn’t Hurt” conference is scheduled for Sunday, Nov. 27, at the DCOG’s 24-Seven Youth Center, starting at 6 p.m. For more information, contact the church at (302) 732-6550.